gigdiary

No, it’s not the Rollingstones on Tour as one pundit called it. It’s that oft wheeled out TV show which faithfully draws a guaranteed half million viewers when all else fails. M*A*S*H* fits into this category as well. Every network in Australia has one. Ten is particularly grateful to The Simpsons. Fillers, the lot of them, and other than the Antique’s half hour, we’ve seen the rest interminably. And like Pavlov’s dogs, we expect to see them again, and again.

This is fortunate for television executives and their minions, those people paid to inject creative thinking into the programming process. Whether it be by buying overseas product, employing writers to create new content, or simply by devising a simple idea that hopefully will grab the viewers’ attention, this is the stuff that execs are paid to do.

Usually, after the funds for the first option are exhausted, executives automatically jump to option three. The strategy here is clear cut. Ascertain who are the most popular personalities on television today, and then build a show around them. Being movers and shakers, the network chiefs have devised a quick and simple method of doing this. Simply search the network database for all those under contract, and under thirty five, and apply the Channel Nine rule, ‘are they f*ckable’. If the answer is yes, then they’re in the show.

Because these talking heads will rarely have anything of interest to say, it is always better to have three rather than two. This helps obfuscate the actual content being discussed. However it is unwise to have an actual panel. This will cause the talking heads to become confused about whose turn it is to say something.

Of course one wonders, with a model like this, what could go wrong?

There is only one answer. The viewing audience aren’t the complete morons you think they are. For those that can actually be bothered to stay tuned, they’d rather watch Antiques Roadshow that any of the drivel served up masquerading as entertainment.

The latest talking head show, ‘This Afternoon’, has bitten the dust, and while it is sad for the presenters, it is noteworthy that one of them pulled the plug before the network did. A gallant Mark Ferguson walked the plank, well walked over the road to Channel Seven, instead of continuing with such an insult to intelligence.

Of course, one hopes he’s not jumping out of the frying pan. Over at Channel Nine, we can bet that the executives are, as usual, rearranging the deckchairs as if nothing had happened.